a disturbing little ramble

[inteligrrl]

I don't know why I keep trying. I really don't.

I just feel like my spirit is bleeding and I'm slowly hemorrhaging from some wound so deep it's inoperable. I'm just so fucking tired and I know it won't ever get better, and all I really want to do is find some place to curl up and die.

I keep finding I can't stop myself from flinching every time I come into contact with anyone, no matter how comfortable I am with them. I just keep feeling like I should be quiet and sit in my corner and apologize every time they look my way. It makes me tense, it makes me tired, and I can't help but want to just start crying because it shouldn't be that way. It's not as if most of them actually want to hurt me.

I can't relax no matter how hard I try. Just knowing that someone could walk in and say something to me while I sit in my room is enough to tie all the muscles in my body into knots.

I just want to die so I can finally relax.

Sooner or later something will break, and unfortunately it will be me one way or the other.



On the upside this is the first day in the last two weeks when I haven't had a headache.

Comments

[lunarennui.livejournal.com]

sweet, i love you madly, but you REALLY should change your layout...it's the one that my evil cunt of an ex uses and it has bad associations for me. and i don't want anything like that to taint me actually getting to see you posting something!

btw, chris is cool with the visit. shall call you soon.