Me: Callous? or just crazy?

[inteligrrl]

My uncle's dying. Oddly enough I'm not upset about it.

I'd feel a lot better if my instinctive reply to the news hadn't been "Oh, that's nice."

I've known a few people who've died and been pretty emotionally detached about them as well, which seems a bit disturbing from a mental health stand point. I can't help but wonder if I'd feel the same way if someone really close to me died. How much would it take for me to have an actual reaction to death?

In my more suicidal years I really felt there was no reason to feel sorry for the deceased, I felt the fact that they were out of their misery(aka life in general) was an enviable state. For years the biggest thing that kept me from killing myself was because I knew how it would affect my family and I couldn't do that to them without a better reason than that I was miserable.

This whole attitude probably did more to change my views on death than I realize. Am I the only one who always feels more sorry for those left behind than the person who died?

I'm not upset that my uncle's dying, I just can't help wondering if that's wrong of me though.

Comments

[lunarennui.livejournal.com]

i don't know if it's wrong of you, but if so, then i'm wrong too...it's not that i think they're better off, though, it's that i somehow just don't care.

that makes me feel like i'm a bad person, but i let it be anyway...i could self-flagellate until i felt rotten, but i feel bad enough most times anyway, so why add to the muddle? i feel bad for the friends and relatives that are left behind, but i don't react much to someone's actual death.

*sigh*

[cabbitlover.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about it. I felt the same way when my great grandmother died. She was 80 and had brain tumors. I think its just a time when they should die. Us crazy lutherans celbrat death enstead of morning it. Its alot better no to dwell on since there was no connection anyways.