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inteligrrlWhy is it whenever I really need to let off some steam LJ isn't working?
All I have to say is that I'm an idiot. I should have remembered that I can't ever say anything that could be construed as slightly critical to my mother, because she's ALWAYS right. I should have remembered that I'm always wrong. I should have remembered that it's better to just let her nag and keep my mouth shut rather than trying to say that I don't like what she's doing. I should have remembered that trying to stand up for myself makes her feel like I think she's an inadequate parent, as I obviously disapprove of what she's doing. I should have remembered that when I say anything that she'll view it as an attack on her. I should remember the way she will be upset at me for months and take every opportunity to slight me or show me how damned ungrateful and rude I am. I should have remembered what a fucking bitch she is.
Why did I get her for a mother? Why can't I have somebody easier to love. I did everything right last night. I rented a movie I thought she'd like. I listened to her depressive ramblings. I did my best to cheer her up. I tried my damnedest to make her happy, but what is the end result? She storms to bed saying that I can't listen to correction and that I'm being a horrid spiteful child who has belittled her.
Fuck you mom.
Just fuck you.
I pray to God I remember what an impossible person you are next time I feel like trying to make you happy. I'd forgotten that nothing I can do will work.
All I have to say is that I'm an idiot. I should have remembered that I can't ever say anything that could be construed as slightly critical to my mother, because she's ALWAYS right. I should have remembered that I'm always wrong. I should have remembered that it's better to just let her nag and keep my mouth shut rather than trying to say that I don't like what she's doing. I should have remembered that trying to stand up for myself makes her feel like I think she's an inadequate parent, as I obviously disapprove of what she's doing. I should have remembered that when I say anything that she'll view it as an attack on her. I should remember the way she will be upset at me for months and take every opportunity to slight me or show me how damned ungrateful and rude I am. I should have remembered what a fucking bitch she is.
Why did I get her for a mother? Why can't I have somebody easier to love. I did everything right last night. I rented a movie I thought she'd like. I listened to her depressive ramblings. I did my best to cheer her up. I tried my damnedest to make her happy, but what is the end result? She storms to bed saying that I can't listen to correction and that I'm being a horrid spiteful child who has belittled her.
Fuck you mom.
Just fuck you.
I pray to God I remember what an impossible person you are next time I feel like trying to make you happy. I'd forgotten that nothing I can do will work.
