inteligrrl: Reading (Default)
[personal profile] inteligrrl
I am personally pro-life and politically pro-choice. I don't think abortion ever a happy choice, but it is a necessary one to have.

Saying that feels like a complete betrayal of everything I was raised to believe - but its roots are in my upbringing. You see, at eleven my mother told me how she and my father got married.

Despite being a clever child, I'd never noticed the fact that my parents were married a mere four months before my birth. My mother told me that she never meant to marry my father. When she found out she was pregnant they went to counseling. Crying she said that one night after counseling my father turned to her and said "I guess I'll marry you."

My parents didn't get married because the loved each other, or even particularly wanted to - they got married because of me.

This revelation changed my world.

For the better part of a year my mother cried herself to sleep - great wracking sobs, that could be heard throughout the house, haunted me. Children make everything about themselves, and all I could think was this was my fault. My mother was desperately unhappy; a terribly intelligent woman trapped in marriage with a man who was not her equal. With every cry I ached for her. From beneath all the blankets I could find, in the corner of my bedroom, I could hear her crying, sounding like nothing more than a wounded animal. My mother was my world, and hearing her in pain made me want to die.

Where we come from shapes who we are and what we believe.

My parents are fundamentalist Christians. They believe in God. They believe divorce is only acceptable in the case of abuse and chronic infidelity. They believe that a fetus is a child and abortion is murder.

As an adult I believe in God - though a gentler one than I was raised with. I don't believe in getting married just because of pregnancy. I believe in being careful in who you marry, and that divorce should always be an option. I believe that a fetus is a child, but that a swift and unconscious death is a far kinder gift than life in some cases.

I believe in using birth control, sex ed, and the morning after pill.

I know that most the people I grew up with would condemn me for this, but I believe in abortion.

I believe in abortion because every time I listened to my parents fight, or my mother cry herself to sleep I cried - and in my heart of hearts I wished she had just aborted me and lived a life where she was free, a life where she was happy.


inteligrrl: Reading (Default)

December 2012

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