inteligrrl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
inteligrrl) wrote2003-03-03 11:24 am
inteligrrl) wrote2003-03-03 11:24 am
And I'd almost forgotten that my life sucks.
Why is it whenever I really need to let off some steam LJ isn't working?
All I have to say is that I'm an idiot. I should have remembered that I can't ever say anything that could be construed as slightly critical to my mother, because she's ALWAYS right. I should have remembered that I'm always wrong. I should have remembered that it's better to just let her nag and keep my mouth shut rather than trying to say that I don't like what she's doing. I should have remembered that trying to stand up for myself makes her feel like I think she's an inadequate parent, as I obviously disapprove of what she's doing. I should have remembered that when I say anything that she'll view it as an attack on her. I should remember the way she will be upset at me for months and take every opportunity to slight me or show me how damned ungrateful and rude I am. I should have remembered what a fucking bitch she is.
Why did I get her for a mother? Why can't I have somebody easier to love. I did everything right last night. I rented a movie I thought she'd like. I listened to her depressive ramblings. I did my best to cheer her up. I tried my damnedest to make her happy, but what is the end result? She storms to bed saying that I can't listen to correction and that I'm being a horrid spiteful child who has belittled her.
Fuck you mom.
Just fuck you.
I pray to God I remember what an impossible person you are next time I feel like trying to make you happy. I'd forgotten that nothing I can do will work.
All I have to say is that I'm an idiot. I should have remembered that I can't ever say anything that could be construed as slightly critical to my mother, because she's ALWAYS right. I should have remembered that I'm always wrong. I should have remembered that it's better to just let her nag and keep my mouth shut rather than trying to say that I don't like what she's doing. I should have remembered that trying to stand up for myself makes her feel like I think she's an inadequate parent, as I obviously disapprove of what she's doing. I should have remembered that when I say anything that she'll view it as an attack on her. I should remember the way she will be upset at me for months and take every opportunity to slight me or show me how damned ungrateful and rude I am. I should have remembered what a fucking bitch she is.
Why did I get her for a mother? Why can't I have somebody easier to love. I did everything right last night. I rented a movie I thought she'd like. I listened to her depressive ramblings. I did my best to cheer her up. I tried my damnedest to make her happy, but what is the end result? She storms to bed saying that I can't listen to correction and that I'm being a horrid spiteful child who has belittled her.
Fuck you mom.
Just fuck you.
I pray to God I remember what an impossible person you are next time I feel like trying to make you happy. I'd forgotten that nothing I can do will work.
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But, at least you tried. It's not much consolation, I know, but you know that you were trying to make her happy.
*hugsmore*
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i think it's somewhere in the parental rulebook that parents are allowed to criticise and nag and disapprove all they want, but it's forbidden for children to even suggest something. i'm pretty sure it's there somewhere, because they sure act like you've broken a golden rule when you open your mouth.
*yet more hugs*